American Idol Results Show: ROUND ONE Real TV Live

American Idol Contest Round 1

”The Colonel” Gary G.’s Crew Review

Okay Crew it was pretty good show. Let’s give a hand to Team Andrew for a valiant effort. Now it is time to take out the red pen. First thing….

Ramiele I told you to cry when Simon was mean to you. Shrugging it off and taking it with good natured maturity is not what I need from you right now. I need the tweens and their moms to feel bad for you so that the rest of the team doesn’t lose a lot of points on you. Sorry to be so blunt, but you, frankly, are expendable. Be a team player. Look, you have a very pretty voice but absolutely no spark on stage. Breathily moaning your way through a ballad will not make you top six material, and bad move dedicating “In My Life” to your fallen Idol comrades. You really don’t want to remind people that you ran around with scrubs like Colton Berry and Kady Malloy. Bad Move. You get 5 POINTS, from the Colonel.

David Cook, you are throwing my whole game plan into turmoil by being good again. I fully expected to score you in the 5 to 10 point range for a couple weeks until you were eliminated, but you were great this week. You finally convinced me that you really are a hard rocker. “Eleanor Rigby” was a ballsy choice but if anyone in the competition has the voice for it, it’s you. Now you must work on the low notes but keep up the rock wailing. That is your money. I must also mention that you seem a lot younger, and better looking, than you have before. Whatever beauty regimen they have you on, keep it up. As Paula said you really could be the dark horse of the season. The rock-n-roll Elliot Yamin, rather. So because my other Davids’ fucked it up, The Colonel is confident enough to bet 20 POINTS on you. Good Job. I know, I’m as shocked as you are.

I am really annoyed David Hernandez. Okay first of all what is with that bullshit about a pizza bistro you worked at. We all know how you’ve been making a living. It would have been better if you had just answered the controversy, made peace with it, and let it rest. It was a very uncomfortable interview piece. And then you stunk up the joint with “I Saw Her Standing There”. That song is entirely too bubblegum to be adding “runs” to it. There is a reason that Tiffany, Kidz Bop, and Alvin and The Chipmunks have all covered this song. It is totally undemanding and cheeseball. Of all of the amazing songs in the Lennon/McCartney songbook this is what you pick? Maybe you felt the need to pick the most vanilla song you could to combat the sleazy stripper view of you, but just remember that you have a great voice. We need you to step it up a notch David H. because Carly, David C. and Robot Child cannot keep doing the heavy lifting every week. I’m sorry but The Colonel can only risk 5 POINTS on you this week.

And very good Amanda. I’ve always liked you because you are the first true rocker chick we’ve had on Idol. The fake-ass, musical theater major turned rocker bullshit of the likes of Gina Glockson, Nikki McKibben and Ryan Starr pale in comparison. You understand more than most what Randy said weeks ago, that rock is an attitude, and despite your apparent social retardation you will work a stage like a crazed Tina Turner impersonator on a cocaine high. Kudos for taking a less well known Beatles song, “You Can’t Do That,” and tailoring it to your vocal style. That’s how you make it through to top six. Sure, some people will eventually get tired of the whole thing but frankly no one expects you to make it to final 2. But unlike some of your Top 12 competition you always leave an impression. So I am completely comfortable betting a good 20 POINTS on you. The Colonel is proud.

Carly Smithson, welcome to the big time. If Robot Child keeps forgetting his lyrics you could slide right in to the top spot. Giving “Come Together” a little bit of diva attitude was perfect. This is what we’ve needed from you all along. You literally attacked the stage with a confidence and command that I’ve always expected was inside. Keep it up. We need you to kill every week because I don’t know if you were watching but my two top David’s are fucking our shit up. 25 POINTS. Which brings me to…..

David, David, David. At least we know that your internal program does have a few kinks in it. Why do you not know any Beatles songs? Didn’t you get The Beatles Number Ones for Christmas like the rest of us? Maybe you were too busy with the Original Broadway Cast Album of Dreamgirls to care but you really have to widen your musical horizons. Or at least ask somebody else if your mainframe will not compute. Your voice is too good for “We Can Work It Out”. Choosing a song because Stevie Wonder covered it is not a good enough reason for you to do it. Lennon and McCartney wrote plenty of bluesy, soul songs that would’ve worked perfectly for your voice. Here is the deal: we all know that you are safe for about eleven weeks, but Carly or Brooke or Michael or even David C. could arguably take this from you if you do not show a little more personality. Please no more dancing. You need to sit down and sing ballads for the next few weeks until you find your footing. After that we will discuss incorporating more performance elements. But I’d be a fool not to bet a full 25 POINTS on you.

Okay guys, the first week is down. Carly, David C., Amanda, keep up the good work. David’s A and H. I expect better next week. Ramiele, Good Luck Tomorrow. GO TEAM!

Andrew “Mickey” Walsh’s Crew Review:

Syesha, if I can get all Paula on your ass for a second, you looked great. Really, you did. You also sounded really good, but as the judges would later say towards Ramiele, you were also kind of boring. The problem is your performance of “Got to Get You Into My Life” was totally forgettable. I couldn’t even remember you were there and you are on my team. I feel like you play this really safe middle ground kind of strategy each week, but flying under the radar is a tactic for winning Survivor, not American Idol. As Randy said, the arrangement was nice, but it felt like I was watching someone going over their blocking at rehearsal. There was no energy. Overall, I really have no feeling towards you one way or another. There’s nothing for the audience to grasp onto as far as your public persona is concerned. In your tape package this week you reiterated that you are an actress/student, which makes me feel as a viewer that you are just planting your seeds wherever you can and hoping one will grow. I need to know you are in this to become a SINGER, not just to win and become famous. Again, I have to ask what you are aiming for, what kind of artist are you telling us you want to be? I think you’re in danger this week, so I’m going to bet the minimum on your future in this competition and place 5 points on you. For both our sakes, I hope you stay and make a big comeback next week.

Speaking of comebacks, Chickezie, you rocked “She’s a Woman!” Unlike the judges, I did feel you had a couple of vocal problems in the second half of the performance. There were quite a few strained notes, but you covered them well with a very energetic performance that made full use of the big stage. I loved the first part of the song, where you arranged it like a southern jam session complete with banjo, violin, and tambourine. Overall, your vocal was very folksy and enjoyable, which was genius because you demonstrated that you have range as a performer. I loved that you dared to step out of the pack and take a risk. Your tape package was also a plus because you made the blue collar connection. It’s always a good idea to work the “I’m just a working Joe who’s thrilled to be here” angle than the “I just got back from the studio/photo-shoot/fundraiser” thing (cough, cough Davids). Nice work. I’m counting on you now, and I really wasn’t yesterday. I’m going to bet 20 points you’re staying this week.

Jason Castro, what can I say? If anything, you’re reliable. It’s cool for now, but in about one more week that act of yours is going to get REAL tired. The outfit looked like it was made from left over wallpaper. The vocal was way too coffee-shop background noise. Unless you want your debut album sitting next to a biscotti at Starbucks, you need to step it up. “If I Fell” is a pretty song, so you really didn’t have to do anything with it, which puts you in the Syesha class of playing it way too safe. Unlike Syesha, you have carved out a little fan base for yourself, and your endearing interviews are going to save your butt this week, but Jason if you want to go the distance with this team you need to wash the purple haze out of your eyes and amp it up. I know you’re safe thanks to the screaming girls in the audience, so I’m betting 20 points on you. Don’t let me down.

You know who never lets me down, you guys? Brooke White. Now THAT’S how you take a traditionally slow song and make it work. There’s this thing, Paula said it, that you should look up in the dictionary when you have a chance, it’s called conviction, and Brooke’s go it in spades. She’s not trying to be the next Idol Oscar winner, or the next celebutante tabloid star; the girl loves to sing and wants to make music, and it shows. While some contestants exude the stench of meth and cigarettes (initials D.H.), Brooke envelops the stage in a blanket of warmth. Okay, even I know that’s a little crazy. So anyway Brooke, you sat in front of a piano and delivered a soft, earnest rendition of “Let It Be.” It was a great counterpoint to Carly’s awesome, high octane “Come Together.” The thing I loved the most was the way you played up those tears at the end of the song. Not only did you show you were really into it and the whole Idol experience, but you maximized your airtime and the audience sympathy factor. Work it baby, work those tears! Kudos to you. For that I give you my maximum 25 points. As Simon said, you were great 3 weeks running. Also, the tape package where you pimped out the kids you used to nanny for was brilliant.

Michael Johns, you and I talked about the tennis clothes, so why am I seeing them again during your interview segment? Don’t fight me on this; I know what I’m talking about. It makes you look older, and as the oldest one in the bunch, that’s the last thing you need. You’re competing against the epitome of idealized youth in the form of Archuleta, so try not to look like his dad. You want to hear something really dumb? I had no idea that “Across the Universe” was actually the name of a song. I just thought it was the title of the movie. At any rate Mike, I think it was the best you’ve sounded vocally so far. It was semi-boring at times, but at least if I close my eyes I know it’s you singing, and I mean that in a good way. You have your own sound. I missed the awkward drunk dancing this week and the way you attempt to eat the microphone when you have to hold it. Bring that back. However, you do need to find a way to eliminate that ocean of sweat that forms on your forehead. Botox it, apply Certain Dry to your head, wrap it up in a bandana, I don’t care, just fix it. I feel incredibly certain that you are safe, so I’m putting 25 points on you as well.

Kristy Lee Cooke, you will be getting twenty less than that I’m afraid. The reason? Because “you’re a bum!” While I didn’t think your country version of “8 Days a Week” was as bad as Simon said, you know it was a mess if Paula actually committed to a negative opinion. I don’t think you’re going home because you played the post-judging banter well, and you are the only country artist this season, but I’m not willing to wager too much on it. I’d rather play it safe. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. You weren’t that bad vocally, and you seem nice, but I just don’t see this music thing working out for you long term. There’s a spark missing. Perhaps you’re best suited to ballads, but I wouldn’t really know since you never sing them. In the end, I foresee sympathy carrying you through the week, but I’m only going to put 5 points worth of stock in that theory.

Crew Score Card:

Gary G’s Crew:

Ramiele 5pts
David Cook 20 pts
David Hernandez 5pts
Amanda Overmyer 20pts
Carly Smithson 25
David Archuleta 25

Andrew’s Crew:
Syesha Mercado 5pts
Chickezie 20 pts
Jason Castro 20pts
Brooke White 25 pts
Michael Johns 25pts
Kristy Lee Cooke 5pts

Enjoy the American Idol 2008

Archive in Amanda Overmyer American Idol Brooke White Carly Smithson Chickezie David Archuleta David Cook David Hernandez Idol War Kristy Lee Cooke Michael Johns Ramiele Malubay Randy Jackson Simon Cowell Syesah Mercado Television Top 12 Top Twelve

American Idol Results Show: ROUND ONE Real TV Live

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